Dear Daughter,
I write this to you even before meeting you, knowing that if you are like me, your heart will be open—bleeding sometimes for justice, to see and be seen, aching to love.
It is not out of vanity that I compare you to me, or that I want you to live in my shadow. It is because with every letter I write, I want to share myself with you—fully and honestly—so that you will see me as human, flawed and learning, just like you will be. My words come from experience, both pleasant and painful.
You will come to understand, however, that we all succumb to vanity sometimes. Knowing this—recognizing it in yourself and others—will be useful in the years to come. But that is a letter for another day.
Today, I want to speak to you about something simpler, yet harder to master:
Actions are more powerful than words.
Because you are a woman, words may carry great weight in your life. Compliments will thrill you. Apologies might disarm you. Promises could make your heart swell. And yet—none of them are the truth. Not on their own, anyway. And that’s a lot coming from me who loves words and knows how powerful they can be.
But you must train your mind to become more perceptive to actions—your own, and those of others.
Let your words be few, and always rooted in intention. Speak to shape the world, not to decorate it.
And when others speak—pause, and watch.
The person who says they care but never shows up for you,
The friend who always talks about being honest but tells white lies to everyone else,
The man who writes you poetry but flinches at the idea of sacrifice—
These are your lessons.
People will be watching you too, even when they don’t realize it.
They’ll watch to see if you bluff. If you fold under pressure. If your actions betray insecurity.
Let them watch. But more importantly, let yourself watch. Let your own actions be the evidence of your values.
If you ever feel lost between what someone says and what they do,
Always choose to believe what they do.
That is where truth lives.
With love,
Your Mother
The Empathic Social Observer 